Anticipation

You know those places that you've dreamed about going to see?  Those places that you've seen pictures of so many times that it feels almost as if you have seen it before. There are so many places in the world that I want to visit, each paired with a vague picture in my mind of what to expect.  That faint unawareness is what motivates me to seek out these places.  You can look at all the pictures, do all the research, try to predict the weather and pretend to be prepared to experience a place you've never been, but you can't foresee what exactly will happen.  For this reason, when it comes to exploring, I tend to neglect to make any plans I can feasibly avoid before I get to a new destination.

Traveling has helped me accept the utter unpredictability of life.  This is the primary reason I love it so much.  I have always been someone who imagines the future and more often than not, life hands me something completely different than what I had contrived in my mind.  It becomes nearly impossible to set any expectations.  I never know who I will sit next to on the plane or meet along the way.  The roads will be unfamiliar and the weather, unpredictable.  Learning to be flexible and welcoming the fact that I may not know what's next is one of the many lessons, as well as greatest freedom, that traveling has taught me.

Earlier this month, I spent days planning a road trip across the country.  I was going to drive to the Grand Canyon.  Then the winter storms blasted the southern United States, and my lack of confidence driving in icy conditions held me back a few days.  Within those few days, I had my car looked at and realized a few things needed fixing before any long journey could happen.  So, despite the hours I had spent planning this adventure (the lists of campgrounds, the driving routes, the supply lists and budget), I hadn't planned for these new obstacles.

At this point, I was angry with myself for not taking the weather into account and failing to have my car looked over earlier.  However, I am fully aware that nothing is set into stone; that no plans are ever fool-proof.

So, I bought a plane ticket.  Regardless of weather and car woes, I was determined to get to Arizona.

This part, those days leading up to an adventure, the anticipation; this is the part that makes my stomach flip and my palms sweaty.  I get anxious and start doing that prediction thing, all the while acknowledging my inability to truly forecast what will happen to me.  I think of scenarios and imagine strangers with blank faces whom I will meet.  I feel paralyzed by the fear of the unknown, but the clock keeps ticking and the tickets are already bought, so there is no backing out now.  

Once I am on the plane, though, all of those nerves will subside, as if I am diving into the ocean, shattering my fears as I break the surface and finally able to kick my legs and swim. I have become familiar with this rush of sudden freedom.  Setting out to explore solo arouses the anxious, but excited traveler within me and there is little that will stop her from getting to where she wants to go.  Deciding to travel has been one of the most rewarding and enlightening choices I could have ever made.  I've always been told to do it while I'm young and able, while I have nothing to lose.  So, despite the imaginary fears of getting kidnapped and the all-to-real fear of running out of money, I have dedicated myself to actually seeing the places that I go to in daydreams.