Freedom

My adult life has been made up of several leaps of faith.  With each new opportunity, I jump from one stepping stone to the next, much like a child finding their way across a river on slippery rocks.  No matter how sure footed I think that I am, there is always that chance I might fall right off and suffer the consequences.  Thus far, I'm prancing across the stones quite nicely.  I do feel rather silly sometimes, pretending like I am grown and know exactly what I am doing.  When I look within myself, I find nothing but a lost girl, anxiously searching for the right step to take on my journey.

I sometimes feel like I lack ambition.  Not because I do not want to do things, but I am so unsure of where I am headed in this life that deciding to do anything makes me nervous.  The word 'career' makes me cringe.  I am passionate about living.. not about working for a lifetime.  Don't get me wrong, I am a hard worker.  However, I cannot understand doing work that I don't enjoy, simply for the pay off at the end of the week.  

I want to be happy.  I want to explore and see and taste and feel and hear.  I am here and alive for only a short time.  Why waste it by ignoring the purest parts of being human?  Why go through the motions every week, simply to mark off each day on a calendar?  Why not forget what day it is and soak in everything that you can in a single moment, every moment?